CLASSY: My Southern Amendments.

Happy New Year, y'all!

For Christmas, I received the book "Classy" by Derek Blasberg. It offers "exceptional advice for the extremely modern lady," and is a ballsy and humorous take on etiquette regarding everything from table manners to sex tapes. Every woman who takes herself seriously should go purchase this book RIGHT THIS MINUTE. I've pulled out a few of my favorite "rules" to share, along with my own amendments to the rules that might apply a little bit differently south of the Mason-Dixon!

1. A lady says nice things about nice people in public; but she can be brutally honest about not nice people in private.

-Southern amendment: A lady says nice things about nice people in public; but she just says "bless his/her heart" about not nice people in public. She can be brutally honest and use the "B word" or wish a man to Hell as soon as the not nice person is no longer around.

2. A lady can put on mascara in the back of a car and on an airplane.

-Southern amendment: A lady can put on mascara in the back of a car or on an airplane, but she would never leave the house without it already applied anyway in the off-chance that she run into someone worth impressing or someone that is prone to talking poorly of her.

3. A lady doesn't cheat-- on cards, tests, or boyfriends.

-Southern amendment: A lady doesn't cheat on cards, tests, or boyfriends. But she might sometimes cheat on her diet. Especially if it's with homemade, southern dishes.

4. A lady does not wish to be defined by her purchases.

-Southern amendment: A lady does not wish to be defined by her purchases, but still monograms some of them-- her jewelry, car, shirts, tote bags, etc. because it is a classic, cute way of showing that she is proud of being defined as herself.

5. A lady can drink beer, but she better like the beer.

-Southern amendment: A lady can drink beer, but she better like the beer and be able to argue with the boys about which brand is better while still looking beautiful and feminine in her sundress and/or heels. Also, the said beer had better be kept cold in a cute koozie.

6. A lady knows when to say "Excuse me." And she says it.

-Southern amendment: A lady knows when to say "Excuse me." And she says it. But she also knows that it is ALWAYS the right time to say "Ma'am," or "Sir."

7. A lady isn't afraid of arriving before a date, and she waits at the bar before being seated.

-Southern amendment: A lady isn't afraid of arriving before a date, but a true southern gentleman would never allow this to happen in the first place.