Random Acts.

      It's nearing the end of January now, and the glitter from New Year's Eve has long since settled in corners, joining the dust from last year. A month ago, so many people were setting goals for 2012. They would eat right. Excercise. Read their Bibles every day. Lose 10 pounds. Learn French. Stop hanging onto vices. Get a promotion. Find the love of their life. Take over the world.

     In our society, we are encouraged by these ideas, by the fresh start that begins with the drop of the ball. Too often though, these resolutions are packed away before the Christmas tree is even picked up off of the curb. We set such high standards for ourselves or we decide to change the most stubborn parts of ourselves that it becomes easy to give up the first time we stumble. It's just like addicts that are sent to rehab over and over. We won't change drastically unless we want to. We won't change unless it's by our own agendas.

     Or maybe we're just trying to change the wrong parts of ourselves. 

      The other morning I received a text message from my Mom. "Pay it forward with an unexpected kind act to someone today," she said. "I will try to also."

     I had been having a rough couple of weeks and her text message inspired me to think about others for just a few moments out of my day instead of dwelling on myself. I wasn't setting an extremely high bar or being asked to do anything that I didn't enjoy doing. She wasn't asking me to change anything about myself. She was only asking me to change my focus for a couple of minutes.
     For the next few days, I challenged myself to go out of my way for others. I didn't set out to save the human race. But I do think I might have made a few people's days a little easier. I didn't volunteer for hours in the community. But I did give out a couple hundred smiles. And hugs. And compliments. I gave a listening ear to a few friends that needed one. I surprised my brother with free dinner, and answered my phone at 2 a.m. when I needed to sleep but a friend needed someone to help mend their hurting heart a little bit more. I gave a few rides home. I practiced patience when the other person didn't deserve it. I let cars onto the highway instead of speeding up to get by them and I helped a woman older than my own grandmother get her groceries into her car. I didn't change anything about myself, either, but I have found that the best way to make myself happier is by setting out to make others happy first. The best part is that it's instant gratification.

    I'm telling this story because it is the end of January. Many, many people have already given up on their resolutions. I didn't even set one to begin with. But I tell this story because I hope that it might inspire you. That you might resolve to go out of your way for someone tomorrow. Maybe the next day too. Maybe every day. I challenge you to this low-maintenance resolution, not in hopes that you will follow through with it every day until 2013, but that you will maybe include it in a small part of your life.

Challenge yourself to be just a little bit kinder. Change yourself by making someone else's day just a little bit easier.
   

Farmhouse.

The eventual point of this entire blog is to hopefully get my name and some of my work "out there," mixed in with all of the "fun" posts that I love to write. I am the first to tell you that I hate my own work 99.9% of the time, and the thought of actually posting it is terrifying. So here's the first piece I'll share, and I am only doing so because I found it on my computer & because it is incredibly relevant to the last year of my life. When I originally wrote it almost 2 years ago for my first creative writing class, it's intent was to capture the pain that I imagine my grandmother must have had over losing my grandfather years ago. I honestly don't even remember my biological grandfather that I intended for the piece to be about, but this past year we also lost her 2nd husband, my step-grandfather who had been married to her for the past 13 years. I hadn't thought about my poem again until I stumbled upon it, and I haven't revised it (although it probably needs it) but I figured I might as well start with a piece that I've seperated myself from for a while... so here goes nothing.

Farmhouse.

Amelia Beamer 11.20.09

The old porch still sings

when persuaded by wind.

Decorated by time,

kissed

by neglect.

It’s still ninety-seven steps

to where he lies blanketed

in dirt,

wrapped in the roots

of his favorite ginkgo tree

If her hip isn’t betraying her

That day.

I’ve seen her cry

all of never,

her face the same yet changed,

weathered.

The modest diamond

graces her finger still,

two years of labor

poured into the thought of it

and her

seventy years before.

I am a creation of their love,

a reflection.

His eyes, her hair,

both gone or grayed by now.

A breeze tugs, slamming

at the chipped screen door

and a tired heart.

She turns,

realizing again

that it is not,

will not

ever again be him.